Time for Change....

Yes indeed, time for Change... So I go get my weighted down, split end, dark and gray hair cut and highlighted!! There.. That's a change..  it feels and looks healthier ........sooooo......WHY do I NOT feel CHANGED???......hmmm...So I'm thinking ... And have been thinking about whats been going on with me for a while now.. trying to figure ME Out...so far this is what I know....  It's not  just my hair that was weighted down and dark and gray ... damaged and split at the ends..that needed change... No.. It's deeper than that.. It's ME.. All of Me.. The inner most part of me.. My core.. My beliefs and my thoughts.... I've lost my "Love for Life" and have been focusing on inconveniences and daily struggles, exhaustion and irritations..instead of seeing the Blessings, and making memories and truly being present and enjoying this life and these moments, making memories with my girls and my husband, my family and friends!  It's not so much that I'm just going through the motions without feeling true joy.. No it's worse than that... I am stealing everyone else's joy... Taking it away from them, depriving them of joyful family times and memories!! Making it impossible for my kids to "just be kids" and have fun and being just plain nasty as a wife! That needs to CHANGE!! I love my girls more than I can even describe in words..and I am blessed with a wonderful husband, that I adore and Love with all my heart...but for the life of me I haven't been able to show them with my actions , how much they mean to me or give them a happy and fun home life, for awhile now! That is going to CHANGE!!!  

It's not going to be as easy as just saying ok it's going to change and that's it!! Our family has A LOT of challenges set in our path that have to be overcome! Allyssa having Tourette syndrome and OCD and lots of anxiety is a daily challenge... Adilynn being three, the normal energizer bunny into EVERYTHING, on top of that being very head strong, and showing lots of anxiety of her own lately... Is a daily challenge

Another uncertain job change for Bob since Nordyne is closing is another daily concern...that has many factors to go along with it, that will have to be thought through and dealt with...

Court proceedings in regards to Bobs ex wife and their children... Uncertain outcomes and hard feelings to deal with..

I'm not writing this having a pity party for myself... This is my life.. I understand others have it far worse and I know I am Blessed.. But as I struggle through each day dealing with each of these day after day after day.. It has been so easy for me to not realize the blessings but to take "life" way too serious.. Be negative.. Unhappy... Bitchy.. Worried... Angry... And give up!!!  Until I look into both my girls' eyes and see the fight my 12 year old has in her and the joy each of them are sharing, right there for the taking.. And I've been missing out... Which means they too are missing out...And as I see them steer clear of me because I'm always grouchy ...I know it's time for CHANGE!!  

So no this isn't a pity party, feel sorry for me post, this is a pledge that I WILL do better.. Time for change.. NOW.. But I know if I am going to succeed I first have to have a plan, I have to get to the bottom of my heavy heart and work through it, so in my next few posts I will be devising my plan for each of our challenges! Don't feel obligated to read.. But if you do.. Hopefully there will be something useful you can take from it and apply in your life!  

If anyone has read this all the way to the end.. I just ask.. Please no pity but Prayers are much appreciated! 

God Bless!

Hopefully this will be my life real soon! No more Negativity!!

What an Amazing Opportunity!

Allyssa Ann receiving a Hug from author Richard Paul Evans!!!

Wow!! This was a really neat experience for us!  Allyssa had no idea she was going to meet a famous author, and also one who has Tourette Syndrome and whose son also has it.. 

I pick her up from school, just a normal day and she gets in my car and looks down in the dumps.. She says.."I don't feel good , my head is killing me and I'm tired!" On the inside I'm disappointed but I'm getting rather good at shoving past initial reactions and moving right along so I just say.."oh so you probably aren't interested in the surprise I've planned for you..?" Her eyes get wide but no real expression as I continue "to go to St. Louis right now and meet Richard Paul Evans!!" And before I had even finished a huge smile came across her face and she screamed "YES.. YES... YES!! I don't care about this headache anymore!!" 

So we were on our way within the hour! 

Richard was giving a talk about his book the Four Doors..at the St. Louis library..poor daddy missed the presentation to entertain Adilynn out in the library while Allyssa and I listened to Richard Paul Evans speak and take tons of pictures!!! Allyssa was so excited and when it was time to meet him and have him autograph the book, Allyssa was able to tell him that she has T.S., and that she wrote a book about it and had it published,and that she is in the process of writing another book about T,S. but fiction this time.. Based on her character in the book having T.S.!! Richard was so sincere and asked Allyssa about her experiences with T.S. and talked a little about his son's. 

what a special night this was, thank you Richard Paul Evans for your words and for making my daughter feel completely loved, accepted, and respected!!!